(And Started Loving What’s Actually in Front of Me)
I Used to Say My Type Was “Potential” — No, Really
In my former life (less healed era), if someone asked me what my type was, I’d probably say:
“Potential.”
And I’d be serious. LOL but also… yikes.
Haven’t we all been there? Falling for what could be instead of what is? Seeing something in someone that they don’t even see in themselves — and somehow making that our job to extract, build, fix, support, love into existence?
Yeah. That wasn’t love. That was fantasy. That was my unhealed self calling it connection, when really, it was just spiritual codependency with pretty words.
Loving the Fantasy, Not the Person
I once read a quote that hit me in the chest:
“If you looked at your partner exactly as they are today — and they never changed — would you still be happy?”
Oof. That one sat heavy.
When I reflect on past relationships, if I’m really honest with myself, I wasn’t always in love with the person. I was in love with their potential. I was in love with the person they could be. The person I thought they should be. The person they showed glimpses of in between all the red flags I chose to spiritually bypass.
And yes — people always reveal themselves. But I kept looking past that. I kept looking beyond it. I didn’t want to see what was in front of me. I wanted to believe in the dream.
Partnership Isn’t Fixing Someone — It’s Growing Together
Don’t get me wrong — I do believe in true partnership. I believe in challenging each other, evolving, supporting each other’s growth.
But there’s a difference between:
- Seeing someone clearly and encouraging their expansion
vs. - Ignoring who they are and projecting a fantasy onto them
In one of my past relationships, I didn’t walk beside my partner. I stayed behind her. I made myself small so she could feel secure. I let her take the spotlight while I cheered from the shadows — because that’s what made her feel in control.
And I allowed that. I truly did.
Real Love Reflects, Not Projects
To me, real love is:
- Holding someone’s hand while they grow
- Not being afraid of their light
- Reflecting back their power without dimming your own
- Saying “I see you now, and I believe in where you’re going — but I’ll never love you only for that future version”
Because when you fall in love with someone’s potential, you stop feeling seen. You stop feeling respected. You stop feeling loved. Why? Because you’re both living in two separate realities.
From Self-Abandonment to Self-Expansion
I’ve lived through my partners for years — pouring into them, pushing them to evolve, helping them chase their dreams. But I stayed still. I stayed back.
Now?
It’s my turn.
I’m falling in love with my potential — but more importantly, I’m learning to love who I am right now. The messy, present, powerful, growing version of me.
And it’s only because I’ve truly fallen in love with myself that I’ve started attracting people who feel aligned. People who see me, not what they want to make of me.
Can I Still Fall for Potential? Sure. But Now I See It.
Of course that part of me still exists. I still see people’s light. I still believe in what they can become. But now I ask:
Am I falling for who they are, or for the story I’m writing about them?
That awareness is everything.
These days, I have people around me who lovingly call me back to my own standard. Who remind me to look at reality, not the role I want to cast someone in.
I Want the Kind of Love That…
- … holds me accountable to my highest self.
- … doesn’t flinch when I evolve.
- … isn’t intimidated by my light.
- … loves me now, and still cheers on who I’m becoming.
Because now I know:
I don’t want to fall in love with potential.
I want to fall in love with the person in front of me.
And if they’re still discovering who that is — that’s okay.
As long as they’re not asking me to abandon myself while they figure it out.
