I Love Myself: A Self-Love Journey Through Heartbreak, Healing, and Coming Home to Me

I love myself.

I love my vessel.
I love the vessel I chose.
I love myself.

I love my thoughts. I love my emotions—because they give me this human experience. And I love my connection to Source.

We forget sometimes, don’t we? To actually appreciate ourselves. We give love to others so freely, yet we’re so damn critical of ourselves. Like, bully-level critical. We talk to ourselves in ways we’d never speak to someone we love.

“Self-love” and “self-care” are everywhere now—buzzwords tossed around like confetti. But what does it actually mean?

Here’s the truth: I love love. I love giving love. I love showing love. I love making someone feel safe, seen, adored. And now—being single—I’m learning to pour that love inward.

There’s a difference between isolation and loneliness. I used to confuse the two. I used to look at my previous relationships and see how much I gave—how much I poured into someone else. And now…
What do I do with all that love?

It took me 37 years to realise that maybe—just maybe—that love was always meant for me, first.

To show up for myself. To respect myself. To honour my wholeness.
And yeah, that sounds nice in theory, but what does that actually look like?

It looks like catching myself in the middle of a spiral of negative thoughts and saying,
“Not today.”
It looks like recognising my emotions—but not letting them define me.
It looks like embracing the reality that I’m human. Messy. Magic. Imperfect. Beautifully trying.
It looks like being okay with not always getting it right.

These are the lessons, aren’t they?

Sometimes, I miss my ex. And when I sit with that feeling, I ask myself:
What do I really miss?
I miss who I was in that relationship.
I miss the version of me that loved so openly, that held space so fiercely, that gave and gave and gave…

But now—being single—I get to give that love back to myself.

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Learning to Speak My Love Language (To Myself)

Self-love, in practice, is learning your love languages and giving them back to yourself. Mine?

• Words of Affirmation: I literally say out loud what I love about me.
  “I love this body. I love this vessel. I love that I get to move and feel and be a little kid again in this human suit.”
• Physical Touch: Yes, that too. A gentle rub on my sore shoulder. A self-hug. Softness. Tenderness. And yes, self-pleasure counts. Touching your own skin with love matters.
• Acts of Service: Doing the little things that make me feel cared for. A tidy space. Cooking myself nourishing food. Keeping my commitments to myself.

I’m not waiting for someone else to show me love anymore. I’m learning to give it to me.
And for the first time, I’ve never felt more seen.

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Healing From Abandonment: My Inner Child Finally Felt Me Stay

I carried abandonment wounds for so long. A fear of being left. Especially by the people I love.

In my last relationship, I chose someone I knew would abandon me. On some deep level, I saw it coming.
She jumped from relationship to relationship. There were patterns—cheating, lying, breadcrumbing. And yet, I stayed. I gave my heart to her.

And she left.

She cheated. She grew cold. She chose someone else. And she left right when I needed someone most.
I was in crisis. And I was no one’s priority.

It activated every fear in my nervous system.
I didn’t feel safe. I couldn’t be vulnerable. I couldn’t be seen.
And so… my world crashed.

Here it is, I thought. Proof. I’m not worth staying for.

But then, something shifted.

I chose to stay.
With me.

I got up. I kept going. I pushed through the emptiness.
And I realised:

How could I ever be abandoned, if I never abandon myself?

That was my breakthrough.

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Spiritual Growth After Heartbreak: Choosing Me Was the Turning Point

I walked away. From the life I thought I was building.
From the woman I believed was my soulmate.

I walked away… because I finally chose me.

And the freedom in that?
I can’t even explain it.

Now I know:
Even if future relationships end—I’ll be okay.
Because look what I’ve already survived. And I still chose myself.

I was never truly abandoned. Because I stayed.

And I’m lucky, too. I have a deeply supportive family.
A few close friends who stood beside me in the darkness, held me when I was collapsing, loved me through my chaos.

I was shown unconditional love—by them, and finally, by me.

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There Are No Villains in My Story—Only Lessons

I don’t villainise my ex. I don’t blame her.

There are no villains here. Only lessons.

And the hardest truth I had to own was: I chose her.
I ignored red flags. I stayed too long.
I abandoned myself… to avoid being abandoned.

Maybe I needed to learn this one, once and for all.
So I’d never carry it into the next relationship. Or into the next version of myself.

So, thank you to my ex—for abandoning me.
Because it gave me the opportunity to show up for myself.

Thank you for not seeing my worth—because now, I see it.
Thank you for disrespecting me—because now, I respect myself.

I have compassion for her.
Because now she has to live with the knowing of what she lost—someone who would never have abandoned her.
And maybe that’s her lesson.

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Inner Child Healing: Loving All My Parts, Even the Shadowy Ones

Was I perfect in that relationship?
Of course not.

But I was the best version of myself I could be at the time.
I was healthy. Present. Loving. Growing.
And coming out of it now, I know the kind of partner I want to be.
And the kind of partner I deserve.

Because if I could love the wrong person that deeply…
Can you imagine the love I’ll give to the right one?

(Yes, I heard that in a song. And yes, it’s 100% true.)

That love didn’t disappear.
It’s still in me.
Because I am love.

So now, I give it—to me.
And when the right person comes along, and they truly see me, they’ll be met with a love that is whole and grounded and generous. Because I will see them too.

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So… What’s the Secret to Self-Love?

It’s not bubble baths and crystals (though they help).
It’s this:

Looking at yourself—your messy, beautiful, wounded, sacred self—and saying:

Here I am. I’m an imperfect human. I’m doing my best. And I’m going to meet myself with awareness, love, and compassion.

Self-love is learning to love all the versions of you.
It’s accepting that you will change.
You will outgrow old versions.
You’ll shed skins and write new stories.

It’s learning to sit with the discomfort of growth.
It’s loving the parts of you that aren’t pretty or poetic.

It’s inner child healing. It’s shadow work.
It’s saying:

Even this part of me deserves love.

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You Are Not Alone On This Journey

If you’re walking your own self-love journey…
If you’re healing from abandonment, heartbreak, PTSD, or trauma…

Know this:
You are not broken.
You are becoming.

You are not too much.
You are finally meeting the fullness of who you are.

And you?
You are worth staying for.

🧠 Scientific Insights: 

Self-love supports emotional regulation:
Studies show that self-compassion helps reduce anxiety, depression, and shame by calming the amygdala, the brain’s fear center.
📖 Neff, K. D. (2003). Self-compassion: An alternative conceptualization of a healthy attitude toward oneself.

Heartbreak activates the brain like physical pain:
Emotional pain from rejection or betrayal lights up the anterior cingulate cortex, the same region activated by physical pain.
📖 Kross, E., et al. (2011). Social rejection shares somatosensory representations with physical pain. PNAS.

Mirror neurons & healing:
When we self-soothe or re-parent ourselves, we stimulate mirror neurons, allowing us to form new, more compassionate pathways in the brain.
📖 Gallese, V. (2001). The 'shared manifold' hypothesis: from mirror neurons to empathy.