If you are interested in learning about your unique human design, go to ahumandesign.com. Answer the questions, get your result and then copy and paste it into Chat GPT and ask it to explain it to you. Then the rabbit hole begins!
Since stepping back into dating after my marriage separation, I’ve noticed a pattern. The connections I’ve had, whether short relationships or early encounters, have all followed a similar path — and it’s taken me a while to understand what’s really going on.
At first, everything feels light, exciting, and full of potential. But about two or three months in, something shifts. The women I’ve been with start to experience triggers, wounds, and old pain rising to the surface. For a long time, I found this confusing and was unsure about the meaning of this pattern. But eventually, I realized the truth: I wasn’t causing these wounds. I was seeing them.
The Power of Being Truly Seen
Here’s the thing: I crave depth. I don’t force it, but I can’t switch it off either. When I’m with someone, I see through the masks. The smiles that hide sadness. The walls that protect old pain. The stories they’ve told themselves to survive.
And because I’m consistent, safe, and not afraid to sit with whatever comes up, the women I’ve dated have often felt something they hadn’t before: being truly seen.
That kind of presence can be powerful — but also terrifying.
The Mirror They Weren’t Ready For
When old wounds surface, it’s not because I put them there. They were already within. My presence simply mirrored back a reflection they weren’t ready to face.
I opened a container between us where anything was welcome. I was willing to hold space, to sit in the fire with them, to not run from their pain. For me, that’s what intimacy really is.
But what I discovered is that not everyone is ready for that. In fact, many people fear it. And when faced with it, they shut down, pull away, or push me out.
My presence can shock people into seeing themselves differently.
When This Became Clear in My Last Relationship
This pattern didn’t just appear in dating after my separation — it became painfully clear in my last long-term relationship. At first, things felt steady, but slowly I started growing, expanding, and craving more depth. I wanted to explore the layers beneath the surface, to go beyond comfort into something real and transformative.
But she couldn’t sit in the reflection I was offering anymore. The more I leaned into my authentic self, the more the gap between us widened. She wasn’t capable of meeting me there — not because she was a bad person, but because she wasn’t ready to face what I was mirroring back.
That ending taught me something important: as I grow, my relationships will either expand with me or they will fall away.
And now, as I date again, I notice how this dynamic plays out faster. What took years to unravel in my marriage now surfaces in just a couple of months. Maybe that’s because I’m no longer dimming myself. My frequency is higher. I’m stepping fully into who I am — and that means anything that isn’t aligned gets revealed quickly.
Human Design Made It Clear
Then I read my Human Design — and suddenly, so much made sense.
I learned that as a Projector, I have an aura that penetrates deeply. People feel seen around me, sometimes more than they’re ready for. I carry channels that awaken and initiate transformation, which means simply by being myself, I can trigger old patterns in others.
It explained why women felt safe enough to let their guard down, but also why they often panicked when things got too real.
What I’ve Learned
- Being seen is rare. Most people are used to performing, not being fully visible.
- Depth can’t be rushed. What feels natural to me can feel overwhelming to someone who hasn’t experienced it before.
- Not everyone is ready. Some people crave transformation, while others will avoid it at all costs.
- It’s not about shrinking. For years I thought I had to soften, dim, or hold back to make others comfortable. But my Human Design reminded me that my energy isn’t a problem — it’s a gift.
Moving Forward
I see truths that others can’t and what I need is recognition, alignment and timing.
Now, I date with a new understanding. I know that my presence will stir things up. I know that some people will run, not because of me, but because they aren’t ready for themselves.
And I also know that the right partner — the one I’m calling in — will not only allow themselves to be seen, but will welcome it. They’ll meet me in the container I naturally create, and instead of shutting down, they’ll lean in.
Until then, I’ll keep showing up as myself: safe, consistent, unafraid of depth, and unwilling to shrink just to make love more comfortable.
Because love, real love, isn’t about comfort. It’s about truth.
Love With Me Isn’t Comfortable — It’s Transformational
If comfort is what you want, I’m not your person. But if you’re ready for depth, for growth, and for fire, that’s where I live.
Since learning I’m a Projector in Human Design, a lot of my romantic patterns started making sense. Projectors are designed to see people — to notice what lies beneath the surface, the things most try to hide even from themselves. And I’ve realized this is exactly how I move through relationships.
I feel like I have a way. A way of asking the right questions — not the surface-level ones, but the ones that reach beneath the words. The questions that others are too afraid to ask. I don’t just listen to what someone says; I hear the silence between the sentences. I see the truth in their eyes and in their energy.
At first, people are drawn to that. Feeling seen, feeling understood, is transformational. It awakens something inside of you, and you begin to notice parts of yourself that were unconscious before. But that’s where things often shift. Because I don’t back down, I don’t pull away, I stand in it saying: I’m going to hold your hand through this.
And that’s where I’m reminded that not everyone can meet me where I’m at. Many don’t yet have the trust that they can walk through their shadows and come out stronger. They crave comfort more than transformation.
A relationship with me definitely won’t be comfortable. I can’t turn off my intuition, or the way I give people permission to be fully themselves. But if I choose you as my person, I’m walking through the fire with you. I will not abandon you during the challenges. In fact, this is where I am at my best.
Because here’s the truth: the right partner for me won’t just survive this fire — they’ll rise in it. With me, they’ll discover a love that is raw, steady, and unshakable. A love that doesn’t abandon when it gets hard, but deepens. A love that isn’t afraid of shadows, because it knows that’s where the gold is found. If you can meet me in that place, you won’t just be loved — you’ll be truly seen, truly held, and truly transformed.
How to Know if Someone Has Capacity for Depth
- Their Response to Being Seen
- If they lean in when you reflect truth back → they have capacity.
- If they shut down, deny, or deflect → they’re not ready.
- Their Comfort With Silence
- Depth shows in whether they can sit with stillness and not rush to fill it.
- Emotional Maturity
- Do they take responsibility for their triggers?
- Or do they project blame when uncomfortable?
- Openness vs. Avoidance
- Someone with depth will share, even if it’s messy.
- Someone without it will avoid, change the subject, or keep things surface-level.
Dating Alignment Checklist
Signs They’re Genuinely Interested
- They recognize you without you having to prove yourself (compliment your perspective, invite your thoughts, admire your presence).
- They show consistency — regular communication, steady energy, not hot-and-cold.
- They initiate invitations → asking to spend time, wanting your input, opening doors for connection.
- They make you feel calm and safe in your body (Splenic “yes”), not anxious or confused.
- They don’t just admire you from a distance — they actively create space for you in their life.
Red Flags (Not Ready for You)
- They act intimidated or insecure around you and make you feel like you need to shrink.
- They avoid eye contact or meaningful conversations when things get real.
- They only like the fun, surface-level version of you, not the depth.
- They pull away or push you out once old wounds start surfacing.
- They dismiss your intuition or make you second-guess what you feel.
